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Whitney's avatar

Reading this and your other work, "you can't just call everyone an incel" really made me think (which is of course the intention) about my own history of dating as it pertains to race. Being a Black woman who dates guarantees that dating for me has to be weird. Despite my best efforts, every dating decision I've made has been deeply political. TBH I don't think marginalized people make dating decisions that aren't political (white supremacy makes pundits of us all). But even in that, how can those dating decisions be justified? How many are proactive protection and how many are preemptive payback?

I've been able to think of my interactions with Asian men and I've realized that they mostly consist of me doing some sort of suppression. I assume that any show of attraction will immediately be met with anti-blackness or disgust so I kill attraction before it can sprout legs. Unfortunately, the easiest way to kill attraction is to assign other unsavory characteristics, a lot of which you've detailed in your work. Ironically, I end up perpetuating behavior I'm afraid of receiving from others.

I have no idea how to orient myself around this new understanding but I appreciate you for providing it!

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Grey Squirrel's avatar

Well I strive to bridge cultures while remaining loyal to China.

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